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Wednesday, February 11th, 2004
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| Time: | 10:55 am. |
| Mood: |  happy. | | Music: | "Bleed Black" - AFI. |
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Well... I now enter the workfield! I am going to become a working stiff... huzzah for me. lol Well, it's money anyhow. ;)
Ah, McDonald's... where ten minutes in the kitchen leave you smelling like grease for the rest of the day. But, like I said, it's a job, and it's money, so I'm happy. :) And the hours I was given for this week (starting Friday the 13th, ironic, no?) are great... only clipping out a part of the day where I'm not doing a thing anyway. (11AM - 5PM)
So it begins..... ;)
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Thursday, January 22nd, 2004
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| Time: | 12:55 pm. |
| Mood: |  pessimistic. | | Music: | Miseria Cantera (The Beginning) - AFI. |
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How come it seems that whenever there's something important going on in my life, something I have to keep my chin up about and try not to fret... I have absolutely horrible dreams about worst-case scenarios of said important things?
When I'm dealing with issues in life, maybe I should just not sleep. Sure, they say it's hard to stay optimistic without sleep... but when your dreams force you deeper into a depression, maybe it should be avoided.
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| Time: | 12:01 am. |
| Mood: |  blah. | | Music: | "This Celluloid Dream" - AFI. |
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Yeah, it's been a while since I've written in here.. I have a few quiz results to post before I get to the real stuff, of which there really isn't much. ;)
Congratulations! You're Aragorn!
Which Lord of the Rings character and personality problem are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Do I offend?!
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Dark shadow. Something has drawn you into darkness
in the past, and you're now trying to get out
of it. The darkness is already inside you, and
getting it out will be hard, but if you try,
maybe one day you can be who you want to be
again. Don't give in!!!
Please rate ^^
What kind of dark person are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
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Numenorean
To which race of Middle Earth do you belong?
brought to you by Quizilla
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What Snack Food are You? (With Cool Pics!!)
brought to you by Quizilla
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High elf: You're what most people think of when
they think "elf" but you're just not
THAT simple. You're taller than most elves,
but not by much, you are thin as a river reed
you're known for your light skin, bright eyes,
and flooring beauty. You are gifted in music
and the arts and have real appreciation for
beauty, even in everyday things.
Which Elven Race are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
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All right, now that that is out of the way... I've been participating in an improv poetry chat lately. It's really great, helping me hone my non-planned-out writing skills, just going right off the cuff. It's pretty difficult... none of my random stuff is good enough to show here, though... maybe sometime I'll post some of my other stuff.
I don't think I ever even posted about seeing AFI live.... just, in a word... astounding. That's all I have to say. ;) If I did... well... just eight words.. astounding enough to have their astoundingness mentioned again.
Aside from that, nothing new in my little world... although my birthday is in less than 2 weeks.... Feb 2, and I'll be 18.
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Sunday, December 21st, 2003
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You're Jack! "I am the Pumpkin King!" and
yes you are. Although you have the fame and
fortune, you are not happy. You go and try to
find yourself but in cost of Christmas. In the
end everything is peachy keen and we still love
you.
Which Nightmare Before Christmas Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
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Wednesday, December 17th, 2003
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| Time: | 9:54 pm. |
| Mood: |  bouncy. | | Music: | "The Treason of Isengard" - Conducted by Howard Shore. |
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RotK... amazing.... 'nuff said without giving spoilers. ;)
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Monday, December 8th, 2003
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1. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
2. Am I loveable?
3. How long have you known me?
4. When and how did we first meet?
5. What was your first impression?
6. Do you still think that way about me now?
7. What do you think my weakness is?
8. Do you think I'll get married?
9. What makes me happy?
10. What makes me sad?
11. What reminds you of me?
12. If you could give me anything what would it be?
13. How well do you know me?
14. When's the last time you saw me?
15. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
16. Do you think I could kill someone?
17. Describe me in one word.
18. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?
19. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
20. Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you?
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Wednesday, November 19th, 2003
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| Time: | 2:49 am. |
| Mood: | Emotional train-wreck. | | Music: | The rhythm of tears falling. |
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I know that I need to let go. Everyone, even the person I'm holding onto so tightly, has told me that. Am I giving up hope that there's something in the future for us? No, and I never will. But everyone is telling me that I can't live the way I am right now. I can't even guarantee that I'm going to be able to let go to any extent, but I know that I have to...
I don't think I've ever had to do anything as difficult as this in my entire life. I feel like everything in my body, mind, heart, and soul has been torn to shreds. I can't think straight... I am just completely feeling like my body is trying to shut itself down because it can't handle the emotion of this. Hopefully... I'll make it through this all right.
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Tuesday, November 18th, 2003
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| Time: | 5:39 pm. |
| Mood: |  contemplative. | | Music: | "Drops of Jupiter" - Train. |
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Something in my life has to change, but I don't know what. All that I know is that I'm stuck in a place that I don't like. I'm stuck between still being a "kid" and being an "adult"... and it's so awkward, I'm really not sure what to do. Everything that I need to do to become more of an adult is either in process (i.e. driving) or just not happening yet (i.e. a job). So many things apart from these are frustrating me... trying to chase dreams that are so far away that they feel like I'll never reach them.
I wouldn't call myself an eternal optimist, a pessimist, or even a realist... lately I've tended more towards pessimistic, and this, I know is one thing that has to change. I've got to figure out how to continue to grow up without falling into the despair of realizing that some things that we want to happen just don't sometimes... because if you really set yourself to it, I've always believed that you can accomplish anything. I refuse to listen to anyone who says otherwise...
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Sunday, November 16th, 2003
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| Time: | 1:08 am. |
| Mood: |  depressed. | | Music: | "The Boy Who Destroyed the World" - AFI. |
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dream·er
Pronunciation: 'drE-m&r
Function: noun
Date: 14th century
1 : one that dreams
2 a : one who lives in a world of fancy and imagination b : one who has ideas or conceives projects regarded as impractical
Does a dream make a person who they are? Dreams shape the actions of a person... and actions generally shape what kind of person you are. What happens when you feel like life has taken your dream from you? You still pursue it... because it's your dream. It molds and shapes who you are... even if who you are molds and shapes what becomes of your dream. You are the sole person responsible for whether your dream rises or falls, and depending on that result... you are either built up or torn down.
Sometimes... when I come to a point when I realize things, I really need to listen to myself and practice what I preach.
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Monday, November 10th, 2003
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| Time: | 6:03 pm. |
| Mood: |  naughty. | | Music: | "Meant To Live" - Switchfoot. |
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Okay... I must commend the writers of That 70's Show, really... whoever decided to put Donna in a Catholic school girl uniform should win the Nobel Prize or something.
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Wednesday, November 5th, 2003
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Okay.... first, the most interesting and life-relevant news.
1. I finally, for the first time ever, met a friend that I'd known online for a while. We didn't have much time to spend together, but we had alot of fun... went out to dinner and talked and joked around. It was really natural yet really weird at the same time... Hopefully, I'll get a chance to meet up with her again (as well as other online friends) sometime relatively soon. :)
And now for the less important, but still very cool news.
2. I'm waiting anxiously to get tickets to Next Big Thing 3. I was really excited when I first heard about it, then I found out that AFI was playing, and I was stoked... now I'm hearing various bands and DJs who have seen them perform, and how excited they are about seeing them... and, well, now I'm finding it hard to contain myself. I don't have the funds for tickets yet, but by the end of the week I should. The latest interview on the radio was with Smile Empty Soul, who were talking about having seen AFI at another concert and were simply amazed and how great of a frontman Davey was. Of course, I got my usual good snicker when they commented that Davey is the hottest chick in rock right now... (amended immediately by them saying that he's one of the best frontmen out there right now, as well) I can't freaking wait! lol
This has been a great past couple of weeks... no doubt about that. ;)
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Sunday, October 26th, 2003
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| Time: | 12:55 am. |
| Mood: |  gloomy. | | Music: | "Love Is Blindness" - U2. |
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I'm a chronic bad friend.
The first thing that comes out of my mouth when a friend comments on something I don't like is a very strong objection, and I usually start ranting... and completely disregard my friend's feelings on the subject. Why do I do this? I don't know... Why can't I stop, even though I recognize the problem? I don't know... Does this mean that I place my feelings above those of my friends? No... at least, I try not to.
I almost feel like an addict of some drug (take your pick) "I can quit whenever I want to!" or, rather, "I'm sorry... it'll never happen again, I'll be more considerate next time." But the next time it comes around, am I any more considerate? Of course not.
Anyone who reads my journal knows that I rarely give out specifics to my problems, and this isn't going to be any different. I'm sorry to the person who I offended... I care about you, and how you feel... I just need to learn how to show it, and how to control my feelings. I need to learn to tune myself in to your needs better... because I've done a terrible job of it in the past. I can't promise overnight results... I know I've said I'll work on it before... it's been difficult.
I just want all of my friends to be happy... I simply need to learn to act like it.
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Saturday, October 18th, 2003
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| Time: | 11:03 pm. |
| Mood: |  content. | | Music: | "Big Girls Are Best" - U2. |
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A little something I yoinked off of Anna's journal...
You are Form 0, Phoenix: The Eternal.
"And The Phoenix's cycle had reached
zenith, so he consumed himself in fire. He
emerged from his own ashes, to be forever
immortal."
Some examples of the Phoenix Form are Quetzalcoatl
(Aztec), Shiva (Indian), and Ra-Atum
(Egyptian).
The Phoenix is associated with the concept of life,
the number 0, and the element of fire.
His sign is the eclipsed sun.
As a member of Form 0, you are a determined
individual. You tend to keep your sense of
optomism, even through tough times and have a
positive outlook on most situations. You have
a way of looking at going through life as a
journey that you can constantly learn from.
Phoenixes are the best friends to have because
they cheer people up easily.
Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
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Thursday, October 9th, 2003
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Found a bunch of lame skater quizzes and a few cool AFI/Other Band quizzes... kinda disappointed that I didn't get more pictures out of the deal, though. ;) BTW... just FYI, I will never... EVER be a member of the Church of Havok. If anyone knows of a Church of Bono, though, let me know. ;)
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YOU ARE Rodney Mullen
What Pro Skateboarder Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
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You are like the ollie. You have an up-down
personality and are a dependable friend to
others.
What skateboarding trick are you like?
brought to you by Quizilla
(Okay... I'm happy with the result in and of itself... but the ollie is kind of... boring. lol Not that I can do it very well yet...)
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You are Adam Carson! The Drummer of AFI
!!!!!~**Which member of AFI are you???**~!!!!!!
brought to you by Quizilla
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you're Dancing Through Sunday. you're pessimistic
and a crybaby
AFI What Sing The Sorrow Song Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
(Now, I have to question this one with how many times I've been "Beautiful Day" and "All That You Can't Leave Behind"...)
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Looks like your Boxcar Racer. You try hard in life
to succeed. You get sort of mixed answers from
life though, some good sides of things and some
bad sides. You have a dark side that comes out
every so often, and you've hit some hard bumps
in the road. But hey, you still know how to
have a good time and have a knack for hitting
it off well with people. Theres nothing wrong
with you, just the world around you.
What Band Are You? (Blink 182, Boxcar Racer, AFI, Weezer, The Hives)
brought to you by Quizilla
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You are AFI!! You have Davey, a cool guy with
eyeliner, Jade, who has a music video who takes
place in his crotch, hunter who is also cool,
and adam is the drummer!!!
Which Band Are You!?!((AFI, All-American Rejects,Sum 41,Hot Hot Heat))
brought to you by Quizilla
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Yes... I am very bored... very, very bored. And I'm starting to discover that I need to learn to be a better masochist. *Rubs ankle, which still hurts after a good bit of icing* Oh, well... I may end up posting more quizzes later. ;)
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Tuesday, October 7th, 2003
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| Time: | 1:38 am. |
| Mood: |  drained. | | Music: | Thoughts echoing in my head. |
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What do you do when you find out that a person who you call a very close friend is hurting, and you've been doing nothing but adding to that pain?
When you've been feeling so sorry for yourself and venting to them about it and not even realizing that they're hurting... what do you do? Do you even have the right to call yourself their friend anymore? And what can you do to help them...? I can't figure any of the answers to these questions out... and they're so crucial to me right now, just as the person who I am talking about is...
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Friday, October 3rd, 2003
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| Time: | 5:57 pm. |
| Mood: | numb. | | Music: | "Kamikaze" - Five Iron Frenzy. |
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Nothing much new to really write about in here. But then again, isn't that the reason for my last couple of posts to begin with? Nothing... no new job, no romance, no exciting new discoveries.
About the only thing worth writing about is that I'm learning how to skateboard. I've been using this $20 short board from Target that someone let me use... not exactly something I want anyone to see me riding. lol But it's a start.
One guy from church came over and helped me get started, and he was even having difficulty on the board, even though he's been skating for years. This made me feel much better that I was having trouble at first... I am now capable of going in a straight line without having to hold my arms out to balance myself and looking like a spaz. (This may not seem like an accomplishment to everyone, but we are talking about me, a person who has major issues with balance. lol) Turning is slowly becoming easier, as well... soon I'll at least be able to get around... then we'll start working on doing tricks. :)
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Thursday, October 2nd, 2003
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Some lyrics I thought I'd share...
I cannot leave here, I cannot stay
Forever haunted, more than afraid
Asphyxiate on words I would say
I'm drawn to a blackened sky as I turn blue
There are no flowers, no, not this time
There will be no angels gracing the lines, just these stark words I find
I'd show a smile but I'm too weak
I'd share for you, could I only speak, just how much this hurts me
I cannot stay here, I cannot leave
Just like all I loved, I'm make believe
Imagined heart, I disappear
Seems... no one will appear here and make me real
There are no flowers, no, not this time
There will be no angels gracing the lines, just these stark words I find
I'd show a smile but I'm too weak
I'd share with you, could I only speak, just how much this hurts me
I'd tell you how it haunts me
I'd tell you how it haunts me
Cuts through my day and sinks into my dreams
I'd tell you how it haunts me
Cuts through my day and sinks into my dreams
You don't care that it haunts me
There are no flowers, no, not this time
There will be no angels gracing the lines, just these stark words I find
I'd show a smile but I'm too weak
I'd share with you, could I only speak, just how much this hurts me
Just how much this hurts me
Just how much you...
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Monday, September 29th, 2003
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| Time: | 4:21 pm. |
| Mood: | confused. | | Music: | "Farther Away" - Evanescence. |
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It's just been one of those days where you wonder about the friendships that you have. Crazy, crazy, crazy. Not something that I particularly find "fun." I'm sure everything will blow over by the evening and everything will be back to normal, though. I hope.
On another note, yesterday we got a call on the church phone from a former member whose eighteen year old daughter died in a car accident on Friday. Most people have to deal with it at some point, and this is the time in which I'm having to deal with it. Someone near my own age, who I knew (I haven't seen them in a couple of years) is dead... just like that, all of a sudden. I never thought that I had one of those stupid teenage invincibility complexes that you hear about, but the thought of a young person whose life just suddenly ended really disturbs me. Sure, you hear about it in the news, but those aren't people that you've met... it doesn't make things any less tragic, merely less personal.
She was a really sweet, kind person. One of those people who made you feel good about people and the world, and now she's gone. So many thoughts just race through your head... would anyone think the same things about me if I suddenly wasn't here anymore? What effect would she have had on the world, or even on just one life, if she'd lived? Makes you remember to live your life to its fullest every day. It's so cliche... but it's the truth.
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Friday, September 26th, 2003
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| Time: | 12:04 am. |
| Mood: |  amused. | | Music: | "The Hero Dies In This One" - The Ataris. |
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Not much to put in this entry... but I want to thank Drax for correcting me in the error of the song title in my previous entry. "The Girl All the Bad Guys Want" as opposed to "The Girl All the Guys Want."
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Wednesday, August 27th, 2003
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I am not learning how to drive. I got my permit today (although it was 2 years too late, really. I should have gotten mine the moment I could. At the time, however, I had no real reason... all my friends were older and could drive. LOL). Heaven help my parents! ;)
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theflysprotege's journal
hyper.
bored.